A Bear Attack!

A Bear Attack

(The Night that I Almost Got Mauled to Death!)

I heard the bear, just outside our pop-up camper.  Parked in Bridger-Teton National Forest.  It must have smelled the remaining cookies sitting beside my bed.  Vanilla.  Cream filled.  Just a few.

* * * * *

I just read a bunch of the Psalms, this morning.  All from King David.  Many times, scared shitless (my words, not his).  But I could tell, he was scared.  Enemies wanting to kill him, just outside his cave.  Must have written his songs and poems, his pleas for deliverance, the morning after his near escapes!  They seemed fresh.  But, the evidence of his faith and inspiration to his followers could not be missed.

Wish I had that kind of faith!  And cunning to escape.

*****

Shouldn’t have smelled ‘em ‘cuz they didn’t smell.  At least, I couldn’t smell them.  Smells don’t escape canvas covered campers.  ‘Cept, ours had a few holes.  OK, lots of them.  I confess.  My fault.  Bought the oldest, cheapest camper I could find.

“Crinkle, Crinkle!”

I heard him again!

September 20, 2018.  I died from the bear attack!  Almost.  But, I prepared for it.  Rolled over.  Grabbed my cell phone.  Set it on Camera, video.  Would have been a dramatic ending, anyway.  Proof of my bravery (or, stupidity!).  Evidence of an impending, then actual, bear siting.  Up close and personal.  To go viral on You Tube!

“Crinkle, Crinkle!”

There he is again.  Wandering around our camper, hungry for lemon filled vanilla sandwich cookies.

We had no door.  Instead, we zippered the tarp overhang over the doorway and just let it hang down.  If a bear came, we knew that he would tangle himself in the canvas if he tried to get in.  Then again, we knew that if he wanted in, he’d get in!

A grizzly bear.  The worst kind!

“Crinkle, Crinkle!”

I got my cell phone camera ready.  There was no escape, anyway.  Thought of just throwing the cookies at him as he entered.  Didn’t want to miss the shot, though.  Battery charged.  Video to launch as the camera turned on.

“Lota!”

Didn’t answer.  Sound asleep!  Didn’t want to wake him.  Figured the bear could do that.

“Lota!”

Figured he’d want to wake up for the grand entry!  Sorry for waking him, but I thought he ought to know ahead of time the excitement.  He didn’t stir.

Then he did!  “Crinkle, Crinkle!”

The bear crunching the dry leaves just outside the door of the camper.

A wolf howled in the distance.  This time, Lota took notice.  Popped his head up.  “Crinkle, Crinkle!”  Told me afterwards about the wolves howling.  He heard wolves.  I heard a bear!

Oh, fiddlesticks!  Just remembered, there were no dry leaves outside.  We set up the camper in the dead of a very cold night.  Took a wiz just before hunkering down.  No leaves.  Nothing to warn us of the bear.  He would either sneak up on us, or just rip the canvas down as he pawed his way to those cookies.

I bought fresh pillows at Walmart, just before we camped.  They came wrapped in crinkly plastic wrappers.  I don’t know if Lota left his crinkly wrapper on his pillow, or just kept scrunching it when he tossed his way to eagerly sought-for warmth.  But he scared the be-jeepers out of me!  Burst my balloon of excitement, too!  My You Tube video that almost went viral!

There’s no bear!

Just the cold (literally), hard truth.  Our cookies didn’t smell that much!  Unless the wolves smelled them.  Must have been the cookies that set the wolves to howling!

*****

I kept my cell phone camera at the ready for the rest of the night.  The temperature got below freezing, according to the reading of my toes.  Lota’s toes, also.  The canvas somehow didn’t quite keep the most vicious critter out – the cold.  Must have been the holes that didn’t let the smell of cookies out, but let the cold of night in at will.

Should have trusted the protecting arm of the Lord!  Or, thanked the lucky stars that shown down on our camper, that night.

I should write a song or poem.  Wouldn’t have quite the eloquence of a Psalm.  But might evoke the chuckle of someone silly enough to believe my silly You Tube ambition.  The one that seemed to dwarf the fear that might have enveloped someone more faithful like David.

I guess you never know when righteous faith will extend a hand of protection, or stupidly insane ambition of capturing a dramatic event will fizzle into a sigh of reluctant acceptance of ordinariness.

Didn’t sleep much that night.  Too cold!  Though the warm embrace of a Maker should have kept us securely confident.  In my case, the exhausting excitement of an almost famous video gone viral kept me wondering what could have been!

Got up the next morning.  Took another wiz.

Maybe a bear will smell it.  Long after we’re gone!

Phew!  Near miss.

Next time, maybe I’ll leave a donut!

And, say another prayer, just to keep me safe.

I sometimes pray for foolish things.  Like deliverance from evil.  And harm.  In spite of myself.

John

9/30/2018

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